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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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NFL Opens Counseling Center To Help Bears Fans Cope With Devastating Blowouts

CHICAGO—In an effort to provide much-needed psychotherapy services and professional support to local Chicago communities, the NFL officially unveiled a new counseling center Thursday for Bears fans struggling to cope with devastating blowouts. “With this new facility, which is open 24 hours a day, fans will be able to come in and talk through feelings of severe depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and hopelessness with our highly trained staff in a supportive, confidential setting,” said NFL spokesman Greg Aiello, noting that patients have the option of speaking to therapists one-on-one or joining a group session to help them come to terms with a disastrous Bears performance. “Of course, the center is not just for those suffering in the immediate aftermath of a particularly difficult or traumatic loss. Patients may also receive care when the team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, the front office offers a new contract to an underperforming player, or any other such issue arises within the Bears organization that causes significant emotional pain and mental anguish. Our message to depressed or suicidal Bears fans is clear: You are not alone, and help is here.” Aiello went on to say that while the NFL chose to place its flagship counseling center in the city of greatest need, plans are in place to soon open similar facilities in Jacksonville, Oakland, and Tampa Bay.

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