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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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NFL Opens Counseling Center To Help Bears Fans Cope With Devastating Blowouts

CHICAGO—In an effort to provide much-needed psychotherapy services and professional support to local Chicago communities, the NFL officially unveiled a new counseling center Thursday for Bears fans struggling to cope with devastating blowouts. “With this new facility, which is open 24 hours a day, fans will be able to come in and talk through feelings of severe depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and hopelessness with our highly trained staff in a supportive, confidential setting,” said NFL spokesman Greg Aiello, noting that patients have the option of speaking to therapists one-on-one or joining a group session to help them come to terms with a disastrous Bears performance. “Of course, the center is not just for those suffering in the immediate aftermath of a particularly difficult or traumatic loss. Patients may also receive care when the team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, the front office offers a new contract to an underperforming player, or any other such issue arises within the Bears organization that causes significant emotional pain and mental anguish. Our message to depressed or suicidal Bears fans is clear: You are not alone, and help is here.” Aiello went on to say that while the NFL chose to place its flagship counseling center in the city of greatest need, plans are in place to soon open similar facilities in Jacksonville, Oakland, and Tampa Bay.

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