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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NFL: Overtime Games To Be Decided By First Team To Do Something Really Fucking Awesome

NEW YORK—The NFL announced Monday that its owners have voted to change the league's regular-season overtime rules, which now stipulate that games will be decided by whichever team is the first to make a really fucking awesome play. "The NFL is defined by the plays that are quite freaking exceptional, and our overtime rules should reflect that," said Commissioner Roger Goodell, going on to praise the sick-as-hell plays that decided games this January under new postseason overtime rules. "If teams aren't willing to run a double reverse and complete a wild pass 50 yards down the field, or pitch the ball three times and break a bunch of tackles as part of a dazzling quarterback option, they're not going to win the game." According to the new rules, kicking a field goal is a "total wuss move" that will not result in a win "unless it ricochets off a guy's helmet before it goes in or something like that."

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