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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFL Players Asked To Come Up With Catchy Slogan For 2009 Super Bowl

NEW YORK—Commissioner Roger Goodell sent an emergency mass e-mail Tuesday to the entire NFL Players Association, requesting that everyone create a list of five to eight brainstorms for a captivating Super Bowl XLIII slogan by the end of the day.

"Hey all—Sorry to send this out at the so late [sic], but we really need a short catchy phrase that gets people excited about the Super Bowl," Goodell's message read in part. "Not only is this a great opportunity for you to have a say in the branding of the current Super Bowl, but the player who writes the winning slogan will receive $50. Please, don't just send in sarcastic ideas." According to the NFLPA, numerous athletes were unhappy about the mandatory assignment and filed official complaints that ranged from "this is not my job" to "linemen never get any help from Goodell when we need to plug a hole."

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