adBlockCheck

NFL Players Excited For Looming Work Stoppage: 'Playing Football And Getting Hurt All The Time Is The Worst'

Top Headlines

Sports

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

NFL Players Excited For Looming Work Stoppage: 'Playing Football And Getting Hurt All The Time Is The Worst'

NEW YORK—With their collective-bargaining agreement less than a day away from expiring, NFL players expressed Thursday how thrilled they are at the prospect of a season-long work stoppage, saying that suffering near-traumatic injuries week in and week out is pretty much the worst. "Sure, everybody loves the game and the money is great, but have you ever broken both the bones in your shin and been pressured by coaches and fans to play through it? It's really a horrible experience," said players' union head DeMaurice Smith, adding that 12 months without football will spare several hundred men the pain of enduring multiple concussions. "Every single player in the NFL spends several hours a week on a trainer's table or in a hospital. It sucks. To be perfectly honest with you, a lot of players have said privately that they kind of hope we never reach an agreement and football is eventually outlawed." When reached for comment, former Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett expressed his regret that a stoppage like this couldn't have happened four years ago.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close