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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NFL Players Excited For Looming Work Stoppage: 'Playing Football And Getting Hurt All The Time Is The Worst'

NEW YORK—With their collective-bargaining agreement less than a day away from expiring, NFL players expressed Thursday how thrilled they are at the prospect of a season-long work stoppage, saying that suffering near-traumatic injuries week in and week out is pretty much the worst. "Sure, everybody loves the game and the money is great, but have you ever broken both the bones in your shin and been pressured by coaches and fans to play through it? It's really a horrible experience," said players' union head DeMaurice Smith, adding that 12 months without football will spare several hundred men the pain of enduring multiple concussions. "Every single player in the NFL spends several hours a week on a trainer's table or in a hospital. It sucks. To be perfectly honest with you, a lot of players have said privately that they kind of hope we never reach an agreement and football is eventually outlawed." When reached for comment, former Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett expressed his regret that a stoppage like this couldn't have happened four years ago.

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