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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NFL Players Under Contract To Constantly Mention 'The Event' During Sunday Night Football

NEW YORK—League officials confirmed Monday that NFL players participating in NBC's Sunday Night Football broadcast are contractually obliged to repeatedly mention the NBC series The Event during interviews, audibles, and team cheers. "I thought we looked great out there, and also The Event looks great," said Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, uttering the phrase The Event approximately 76 times while speaking with sideline reporter Andrea Kremer. "The defense had a real gutsy performance, much like Jason Ritter in The Event. Everyone on this team knows that it's a long season, so we are going to prepare for each week of The Event one episode at a time. The Event." After the game, Peyton reportedly told his brother Eli that their father loves The Event more than he loves Eli.

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