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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NFL Players Under Contract To Constantly Mention 'The Event' During Sunday Night Football

NEW YORK—League officials confirmed Monday that NFL players participating in NBC's Sunday Night Football broadcast are contractually obliged to repeatedly mention the NBC series The Event during interviews, audibles, and team cheers. "I thought we looked great out there, and also The Event looks great," said Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, uttering the phrase The Event approximately 76 times while speaking with sideline reporter Andrea Kremer. "The defense had a real gutsy performance, much like Jason Ritter in The Event. Everyone on this team knows that it's a long season, so we are going to prepare for each week of The Event one episode at a time. The Event." After the game, Peyton reportedly told his brother Eli that their father loves The Event more than he loves Eli.

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