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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NFL Referee Can’t Believe How Old He Looks In Video Replay

INDIANAPOLIS—Spending several minutes staring incredulously at the monitor in the official review booth, NFL head referee Ron Winter reportedly could not believe how old he looked in a video replay used in a coach’s challenge Sunday. “Jesus, is this what I look like all the time?” Winter said aloud as he watched the footage of himself giving the signal for a completed catch, reportedly zooming in to inspect his deep facial wrinkles that he had never noticed before. “There’s all this skin sagging around my throat, I’ve got these jowls, and where the hell did that stomach come from? I just seem so tired and worn. Oh Christ, look at how slowly I’m hobbling across the field, like some doddering old fool.” According to sources, Winter then closed his eyes and emitted a deep sigh after pausing the replay at the moment his hat flew off.

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