NFL Refs Admit 'Everything Just Happens So Fast'

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Vol 42 Issue 02

Bowl Week Highlights

The 2005-2006 NCAA football season culminated with a week of unusually memorable college bowl games. What are the most notable moments?

New York Jets Finish Season

RUTHERFORD, NJ—Despite the doubts of many football fans, media figures, and people within the Jets organization itself, the New York Jets have indeed finished their entire 2005-2006 season.

Pete Rose Caught Trying To Get Inducted Into Hall Of Fame Under Assumed Name

COOPERSTOWN, NY—The Baseball Writers Association of America announced that the "former Cincinnati Reds superstar" and "quiet, unassuming model citizen" by the name of "Pat Rosenburg," whose career statistics merited Hall of Fame consideration, was revealed by investigators to be a desperate, mustachioed, glasses-wearing Pete Rose.
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NFL Refs Admit 'Everything Just Happens So Fast'

TAMPA, FL—Just hours after officiating the Buccaneers-Redskins wild-card playoff game, referee Mike Carey admitted that "everything happens so fast out there it's a miracle we see anything at all." "Believe me, pro football is one quick game, and the rules are pretty intricate," said Carey, who admits he probably misses half the infractions that occur in a normal NFL matchup. "Especially the pass interference and defensive holding stuff, who can put hands on who at what point, I can hardly keep it straight—and I'm one of the quick ones. I have no idea how a guy like, say, Ed Hochuli keeps it all together." NFL director of officiating Mike Pereira stated Monday that Carey would not be reprimanded for his unusually frank comments, saying that he himself "almost never even sees stuff like clipping or hands to the face."
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