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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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NFL Releases New Study On Dangers Of Concussions In Youth Soccer

NEW YORK—Stressing a responsibility to educate the public on the risks involved with participating in the sport, the NFL released a groundbreaking new study Thursday revealing the high risk of concussions in youth soccer. “As our research confirms, soccer poses an unparalleled threat of serious concussions to young athletes, and the rate of traumatic brain injuries stemming from on-field collisions and other incidents is becoming a very real cause for concern,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters at a morning press conference, citing findings in the league-funded study that confirmed that players as young as 7 frequently suffer concussion symptoms like blurred vision, dizziness, and loss of cognitive function as a direct consequence of their involvement in youth soccer games. “The risks are unfortunately as clear as day. You have young kids running around at top speeds, heading a ball multiple times per game, and wearing virtually no protective equipment at all. It’s no wonder that we’ve now seen countless instances of concussion-related trauma that could have been prevented had the victim never stepped onto the field in the first place. Simply put, no parent should allow his or her child to play this violent, hazardous game.” According to sources, the NFL’s latest study comes on the heels of similar papers issued earlier this year that illustrate the stark dangers inherent in such sports as basketball, baseball, hockey, tennis, volleyball, all track and field events, and golf.

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