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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NFL Releases New Study On Dangers Of Concussions In Youth Soccer

NEW YORK—Stressing a responsibility to educate the public on the risks involved with participating in the sport, the NFL released a groundbreaking new study Thursday revealing the high risk of concussions in youth soccer. “As our research confirms, soccer poses an unparalleled threat of serious concussions to young athletes, and the rate of traumatic brain injuries stemming from on-field collisions and other incidents is becoming a very real cause for concern,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters at a morning press conference, citing findings in the league-funded study that confirmed that players as young as 7 frequently suffer concussion symptoms like blurred vision, dizziness, and loss of cognitive function as a direct consequence of their involvement in youth soccer games. “The risks are unfortunately as clear as day. You have young kids running around at top speeds, heading a ball multiple times per game, and wearing virtually no protective equipment at all. It’s no wonder that we’ve now seen countless instances of concussion-related trauma that could have been prevented had the victim never stepped onto the field in the first place. Simply put, no parent should allow his or her child to play this violent, hazardous game.” According to sources, the NFL’s latest study comes on the heels of similar papers issued earlier this year that illustrate the stark dangers inherent in such sports as basketball, baseball, hockey, tennis, volleyball, all track and field events, and golf.

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