adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

NFL Releases New Study On Long-Term Damage Of Concussion Research

NEW YORK—Stressing the need for immediate action to curb the increasingly worrying trend, the NFL released a new study Tuesday highlighting the severe long-term damage caused by concussion research. “While there is already considerable evidence of consequences in the short term, our findings have conclusively shown that the lingering effects of a concussion study are not only incredibly harmful, but can last for months, if not years,” league commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters at a press conference, pointing to an alarming statistic showing that the number of medical research papers on traumatic brain injuries has drastically increased over the past decade, with no signs of slowing down. “Perhaps most troubling is the fact that the lasting impact, much of which is still not yet fully understood, becomes increasingly pronounced and serious with every subsequent concussion study. We simply cannot afford to let this issue persist, and concussion reports are entirely preventable as long as everyone is aware of the significant threats they pose.” While admitting that these new revelations are indeed highly troubling, Goodell did express optimism over similar findings suggesting that the effects of concussion research are at least not necessarily permanent.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close