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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NFL Releases New Study On Long-Term Damage Of Concussion Research

NEW YORK—Stressing the need for immediate action to curb the increasingly worrying trend, the NFL released a new study Tuesday highlighting the severe long-term damage caused by concussion research. “While there is already considerable evidence of consequences in the short term, our findings have conclusively shown that the lingering effects of a concussion study are not only incredibly harmful, but can last for months, if not years,” league commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters at a press conference, pointing to an alarming statistic showing that the number of medical research papers on traumatic brain injuries has drastically increased over the past decade, with no signs of slowing down. “Perhaps most troubling is the fact that the lasting impact, much of which is still not yet fully understood, becomes increasingly pronounced and serious with every subsequent concussion study. We simply cannot afford to let this issue persist, and concussion reports are entirely preventable as long as everyone is aware of the significant threats they pose.” While admitting that these new revelations are indeed highly troubling, Goodell did express optimism over similar findings suggesting that the effects of concussion research are at least not necessarily permanent.

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