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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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NFL Scouts Impressed By College Quarterback’s Ability To Elude Criminal Justice System

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Agreeing that the young phenom has what it takes to escape responsibility for his actions in the big leagues, a group of NFL scouts confirmed Tuesday that they are incredibly impressed by a local college quarterback’s proven ability to elude the criminal justice system. “From what we’ve seen so far, this guy can maneuver around just about any accusation you throw at him,” said Jacksonville Jaguars director of college scouting Kyle O’Brien, who speculated that the budding signal caller’s unique ability to sidestep serious criminal charges under pressure would lead him to a long, fruitful career of committing heinous crimes and then somehow being exonerated for them on a professional level. “Nothing sticks to him. Even when he’s facing allegations that could do irreparable damage to his reputation and career, he’s the type of natural athlete who is so slippery that he can improbably find a way out. You just normally don’t see that kind of evasiveness in a felon his age.” O’Brien noted that, as has been the case with many successful athletes in the past, the quarterback’s imposing capacity to commit an unspeakable crime and then avoid any kind of consequences whatsoever is only made possible by those around him, including his school’s athletic director, a cooperative state prosecutor, and the media.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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