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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NFL Sends Thousands Of Volunteers To Help Clean Up NFC West

NEW YORK—The NFL deployed thousands of volunteers Wednesday along with $4.6 million in football supplies to assist in the dilapidated NFC West's rebuilding effort. "This division is a total disaster," said Fred Hudson, co-leader of the NFC West Response Team, who vowed to work every day until the division was restored to tolerable condition following its battering by massive waves of defense and deadly special teams play. "Until the second group of volunteers arrives next week, our main goal is to rebuild all the offensive lines and supply each team with urgently needed quarterbacks. It's not enough, but it's a start." At press time, actor Sean Penn had arrived in the devastated area and was helping the wide receivers of the San Francisco 49ers with their route running.

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