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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFL Sends Thousands Of Volunteers To Help Clean Up NFC West

NEW YORK—The NFL deployed thousands of volunteers Wednesday along with $4.6 million in football supplies to assist in the dilapidated NFC West's rebuilding effort. "This division is a total disaster," said Fred Hudson, co-leader of the NFC West Response Team, who vowed to work every day until the division was restored to tolerable condition following its battering by massive waves of defense and deadly special teams play. "Until the second group of volunteers arrives next week, our main goal is to rebuild all the offensive lines and supply each team with urgently needed quarterbacks. It's not enough, but it's a start." At press time, actor Sean Penn had arrived in the devastated area and was helping the wide receivers of the San Francisco 49ers with their route running.

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