adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

NFL Stadiums Eliminate Policy Requiring All Fans To Piss On Floor Next To Urinal

NEW YORK—In a reversal of longstanding league policy, NFL officials announced Friday that its stadiums will cease requiring all fans to piss directly on the bathroom floor next to urinals. “Going forward, the NFL will no longer demand that all fans miss the urinal completely, pissing wildly onto the floor, wall, and adjacent urinal partitions,” said NFL executive vice president Ray Anderson, emphasizing that the rule change was made in the interest of “keeping up with the times.” “Obviously, we remain committed to honoring football’s hallowed traditions. Pissing onto the floor is, of course, still allowed and encouraged, but we won’t enforce the rule that every single fan must always do so every time he goes to the bathroom.” Anderson added that the ban on women’s restrooms in NFL stadiums remains in effect.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close