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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NFL Stadiums Eliminate Policy Requiring All Fans To Piss On Floor Next To Urinal

NEW YORK—In a reversal of longstanding league policy, NFL officials announced Friday that its stadiums will cease requiring all fans to piss directly on the bathroom floor next to urinals. “Going forward, the NFL will no longer demand that all fans miss the urinal completely, pissing wildly onto the floor, wall, and adjacent urinal partitions,” said NFL executive vice president Ray Anderson, emphasizing that the rule change was made in the interest of “keeping up with the times.” “Obviously, we remain committed to honoring football’s hallowed traditions. Pissing onto the floor is, of course, still allowed and encouraged, but we won’t enforce the rule that every single fan must always do so every time he goes to the bathroom.” Anderson added that the ban on women’s restrooms in NFL stadiums remains in effect.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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