NFL Still Removing Confused Replacement Referees From Replay Booths

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Vol 48 Issue 43

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not ...

Man Throws Money At Problem

A birthday card is discreetly passed around the office like some sort of covert CIA operation, Apple's gag division unveils the sleekest fake dog shit to date, and cactus scientists recommend drinking 8 cups of water per year.

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

WASHINGTON—In what is certain to be regarded as a defining moment in the nation’s history, leading U.S. political figures gathered at the Capitol today to sign their names to the newly drafted Declaration of Dependence ...
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Entertainment

NFL Still Removing Confused Replacement Referees From Replay Booths

NEW YORK—Nearly a month after the end of the referee lockout, the NFL is still struggling to remove frightened and confused replacement officials from replay booths, league sources confirmed Monday. “Every time I enter the booth, I find a couple bewildered replacement refs inside, skittishly bumping into each other and all the equipment,” crew chief Ed Hochuli said. “I swear I took one guy out of there twice. He didn’t seem to understand the words ‘get out of here,’ so I had to go get a broom to scare him off.” Hochuli confirmed that he found one replacement referee covered in blood from repeatedly attempting to exit the booth through the replay monitor.

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