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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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NFL Thankful Northwestern’s Activist Players Will Never Make It To League

NEW YORK—Saying the student-athletes would have definitely become an enormous thorn in their side, officials from the NFL front office expressed their profound relief Tuesday that Northwestern University’s pro-labor activist football players will never make it to the pros. “We’re pretty lucky those kids don’t have the talent to get here, because there’s no way they’d settle for any completely lopsided revenue-sharing terms in a collective bargaining agreement,” said league spokesperson Timothy Gladier, noting that the Wildcats players appear to be well-versed in labor rights and, if they actually found themselves on professional teams, would almost certainly cause a fuss over player safety issues, the rookie pay scale, and retirement benefits. “We’re trying to get an 18-game regular season at some point—you think those guys would just sit back while the NFLPA totally botches negotiations and gets rolled over by team owners? Thankfully there isn’t a chance in hell we’ll ever have to deal with them.” Gladier went on to add that the league is pleased with the large crop of incoming Alabama players who are expected to go along with pretty much anything they do.

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