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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NFL To Place Favre's 421st Touchdown Ball, Receiver, Stadium Into Hall Of Fame

MINNEAPOLIS—Mere moments after Brett Favre threw his record-setting 421st touchdown pass, a slant to receiver Greg Jennings in the first quarter of a 23-16 victory against the Minnesota Vikings, the touchdown ball was placed in a locked box, archivists began taking measurements of Jennings, and an architectural firm began planning the dismantling of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, all in an effort to move the objects and people in question to the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. "This is one of the all-time greatest moments in NFL history, and we must preserve as much of it as possible for future generations of fans," said NFL vice president Joe Horrigan while supervising the careful packing of the Vikings secondary against which Favre threw the momentous pass. "I am honored to have been here to see it, especially since that means I'm destined for the Hall of Fame myself." The ball, Jennings, the Metrodome, Horrigan, most of the crowd, and Favre's wife, Deanna and daughter, Brittany will be installed next to Kitrick Taylor, who caught Favre's first NFL touchdown pass in 1992 and has been enshrined in Canton ever since.

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