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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NFL To Place Favre's 421st Touchdown Ball, Receiver, Stadium Into Hall Of Fame

MINNEAPOLIS—Mere moments after Brett Favre threw his record-setting 421st touchdown pass, a slant to receiver Greg Jennings in the first quarter of a 23-16 victory against the Minnesota Vikings, the touchdown ball was placed in a locked box, archivists began taking measurements of Jennings, and an architectural firm began planning the dismantling of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, all in an effort to move the objects and people in question to the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. "This is one of the all-time greatest moments in NFL history, and we must preserve as much of it as possible for future generations of fans," said NFL vice president Joe Horrigan while supervising the careful packing of the Vikings secondary against which Favre threw the momentous pass. "I am honored to have been here to see it, especially since that means I'm destined for the Hall of Fame myself." The ball, Jennings, the Metrodome, Horrigan, most of the crowd, and Favre's wife, Deanna and daughter, Brittany will be installed next to Kitrick Taylor, who caught Favre's first NFL touchdown pass in 1992 and has been enshrined in Canton ever since.

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