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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFL To Reduce Penalties By Installing Hundreds Of Security Cameras

NEW YORK—In a new effort to deter rule violations and reduce penalty rates across the league, the NFL announced Thursday it would install hundreds of security cameras in stadiums and constantly monitor players during games. “This new surveillance system will effectively prevent penalties, because players know that the moment they step on the football field, we’ll be closely watching them at all times,” said Commissioner Roger Goodell, adding that currently referees can’t see every face mask, clipping, or horse-collar tackle that occurs on the field and sidelines, and have been unable to address why players decide to break rules in the first place. “I’m confident the dense placement of security cameras will significantly decrease the number of illegal formations, neutral zone infractions, and equipment violations in the league, creating a safer, more harmonious sport for all. Our video analysis software features an advanced number-recognition program that allows those working in the NFL’s Central Monitoring Center to identify suspects committing personal fouls and impose the proper punishment.” The NFL also announced plans to combat improper off-field conduct by installing cameras inside locker rooms, strip clubs near stadiums, and the homes of players and coaches.

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