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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFLPA Received Numerous Complaints From Free Agents Harassed By Cleveland Browns

WASHINGTON—Expressing their growing concern after being inundated with grievances throughout the past week, officials from the NFL Players Association confirmed Monday that they have received multiple complaints from free agents being harassed by the Cleveland Browns front office. “We’ve unfortunately heard from a host of free agents around the league who have been forced to deal with continuous unwanted and, frankly, pretty aggressive overtures from Browns front office executives and coaches,” said NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith, adding that allegations against the Browns organization include calling potential free agent signings at all times of night, leaving long, rambling messages on their voicemails, and mailing them numerous Browns jerseys already stitched with their name and number. “Several players have independently complained that Browns officials are constantly sending them text messages offering to fly them out to Cleveland and treat them to expensive dinners and a few nights on the town. They evidently just won’t take no for an answer.” At press time, Smith had received a phone call from a distressed free agent claiming that Browns general manager Ray Farmer has been standing on his doorstep holding a contract offer for the past four hours and has refused to leave.

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