adBlockCheck

Sports

Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
End Of Section
  • More News

NHL: 'Anybody Want Free Tickets To The Stanley Cup Finals?'

PHILADELPHIA—In a desperate attempt to increase attendance at postseason games, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced Monday that the league was offering free Stanley Cup Finals tickets to anybody willing to take them. "These are great tickets, center ice, no obstructions, and we'll even throw in free refreshments for the first 2,000 people who accept the offer," Bettman said during a nationally televised press conference. "It would be a real shame if all those seats went to waste. Just stop on by the Stanley Cup Finals if you don't have anything else to do." Bettman reportedly made a last push to get rid of the complimentary tickets by promising playing time to anyone seated in the first 10 rows.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close