adBlockCheck

NHL: 'Anybody Want Free Tickets To The Stanley Cup Finals?'

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

NHL: 'Anybody Want Free Tickets To The Stanley Cup Finals?'

PHILADELPHIA—In a desperate attempt to increase attendance at postseason games, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced Monday that the league was offering free Stanley Cup Finals tickets to anybody willing to take them. "These are great tickets, center ice, no obstructions, and we'll even throw in free refreshments for the first 2,000 people who accept the offer," Bettman said during a nationally televised press conference. "It would be a real shame if all those seats went to waste. Just stop on by the Stanley Cup Finals if you don't have anything else to do." Bettman reportedly made a last push to get rid of the complimentary tickets by promising playing time to anyone seated in the first 10 rows.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close