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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NHL Fines Ozzie Guillen Just To See If He'll Pay

CHICAGO—Following the latest outburst from the much-sanctioned White Sox manager, officials from the National Hockey League fined Ozzie Guillen $25,000 Monday in order to see if he would pay. "We saw that he had taken a few jabs at his critics before the Blue Jays game and we decided, well, what the heck?" said NHL chief disciplinarian Brendan Shanahan, adding that the league knew it was a long shot but decided it couldn’t hurt to try. "We need the money, and if he doesn't pay, we lose nothing. Plus, come on, he totally deserves it." When reached for comment, Guillen said he would pay the fine, as he cannot afford to be suspended by the NHL during the Stanley Cup finals.

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