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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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NHL Gives Kings List Of Things Stanley Cup Is Allergic To

LOS ANGELES—Moments after the Kings took turns hoisting the Stanley Cup in celebration of their championship victory Monday, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman gave the team instructions on caring for the trophy and distributed a six-page, stapled document listing everything it's allergic to. "First off: I know you guys are really excited, but no latex," Bettman told Kings captain Dustin Brown, puffing his cheeks and gesturing with his arms away from his sides to demonstrate how the trophy swells up. "And absolutely no gluten. Seriously, don't even breathe on the Cup if you've just eaten pasta, let alone kiss it. Damn thing will be covered in hives for days." Bettman also had every member of the squad practice injecting the Stanley Cup with its EpiPen, instructing the Kings to put the needle through the ring section listing the 1974 champion Philadelphia Flyers, which is already riddled in scar tissue anyway.

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