NHL Hall Of Fame Class Of 2007 Vows To Stay In Touch Following Ceremony

Top Headlines


Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

NHL Hall Of Fame Class Of 2007 Vows To Stay In Touch Following Ceremony

TORONTO—Immediately following the ceremony celebrating their induction into the National Hockey League Hall of Fame, class of 2007 inductees Mark Messier, Scott Stevens, Ron Francis, and Al MacInnis spent a bittersweet hour in the Hall parking lot discussing fond memories of their time together, exchanging Instant Messenger screen names and e-mail addresses, and repeating earnest promises to stay in touch with one another. "Aw, you guys…What a crazy, crazy career we've had together. There's no way the people I'll meet in retirement will be as fun as you guys," Scott Stevens said in the silence that followed after he and Messier recalled their old inside joke about goalie Mike Richter living in an igloo. "I only wish we had a couple more games together. Just promise me you guys will never change." When Ron Francis let Mark Messier know that he would probably be in New York sometime in February, so the two of them should definitely get together, Messier replied, "Definitely."


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close