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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NHL Hall Of Fame Class Of 2007 Vows To Stay In Touch Following Ceremony

TORONTO—Immediately following the ceremony celebrating their induction into the National Hockey League Hall of Fame, class of 2007 inductees Mark Messier, Scott Stevens, Ron Francis, and Al MacInnis spent a bittersweet hour in the Hall parking lot discussing fond memories of their time together, exchanging Instant Messenger screen names and e-mail addresses, and repeating earnest promises to stay in touch with one another. "Aw, you guys…What a crazy, crazy career we've had together. There's no way the people I'll meet in retirement will be as fun as you guys," Scott Stevens said in the silence that followed after he and Messier recalled their old inside joke about goalie Mike Richter living in an igloo. "I only wish we had a couple more games together. Just promise me you guys will never change." When Ron Francis let Mark Messier know that he would probably be in New York sometime in February, so the two of them should definitely get together, Messier replied, "Definitely."

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