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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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NHL, NASCAR To Punish Carl Edwards For Hit On Bruins' Marc Savard

BOSTON—NASCAR and the National Hockey League announced Wednesday they would punish Sprint Cup driver Carl Edwards for hitting Boston center Marc Savard with his No. 99 Ford Fusion stock car late in the third period of Sunday's Penguins-Bruins game, an action that inflicted a Grade 2 concussion and ended Savard's season. "NASCAR may have announced earlier this season that they would let the drivers drive, but when Carl drove out to the blue line and plowed into Marc's blind side, it was clearly the exact sort of cheap shot the NHL is trying to prevent," NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell said during a joint press conference with NASCAR vice president of competition Robin Pemberton. "We have no choice but to suspend Mr. Edwards for the next three races and the remainder of the NHL regular season." The Bruins would not comment on whether they would send quick-fisted team enforcer Shawn Thornton out to retaliate during the Samsung 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.

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