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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NHL, NASCAR To Punish Carl Edwards For Hit On Bruins' Marc Savard

BOSTON—NASCAR and the National Hockey League announced Wednesday they would punish Sprint Cup driver Carl Edwards for hitting Boston center Marc Savard with his No. 99 Ford Fusion stock car late in the third period of Sunday's Penguins-Bruins game, an action that inflicted a Grade 2 concussion and ended Savard's season. "NASCAR may have announced earlier this season that they would let the drivers drive, but when Carl drove out to the blue line and plowed into Marc's blind side, it was clearly the exact sort of cheap shot the NHL is trying to prevent," NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell said during a joint press conference with NASCAR vice president of competition Robin Pemberton. "We have no choice but to suspend Mr. Edwards for the next three races and the remainder of the NHL regular season." The Bruins would not comment on whether they would send quick-fisted team enforcer Shawn Thornton out to retaliate during the Samsung 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.

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