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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NHL, NASCAR To Punish Carl Edwards For Hit On Bruins' Marc Savard

BOSTON—NASCAR and the National Hockey League announced Wednesday they would punish Sprint Cup driver Carl Edwards for hitting Boston center Marc Savard with his No. 99 Ford Fusion stock car late in the third period of Sunday's Penguins-Bruins game, an action that inflicted a Grade 2 concussion and ended Savard's season. "NASCAR may have announced earlier this season that they would let the drivers drive, but when Carl drove out to the blue line and plowed into Marc's blind side, it was clearly the exact sort of cheap shot the NHL is trying to prevent," NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell said during a joint press conference with NASCAR vice president of competition Robin Pemberton. "We have no choice but to suspend Mr. Edwards for the next three races and the remainder of the NHL regular season." The Bruins would not comment on whether they would send quick-fisted team enforcer Shawn Thornton out to retaliate during the Samsung 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.

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