NHL Players Admit They Have No Idea How Line Changes Work

In This Section

Vol 50 Issue 12

Eating Small Meals Throughout Day Doesn’t Help Weight Loss

Contradicting the theory that eating small meals throughout the day is effective for weight loss, a new study has found that eating frequent small portions of food doesn’t actually help people lose weight any more than those who eat three meals per ...

Batman Turns 75

Sunday marks the 75th anniversary of Batman’s first appearance in DC Comics. Here is a timeline of important events in the evolution of the Caped Crusader from comic book hero to billion-dollar franchise

Apple To Diversify Emojis

Responding to criticism that their emojis aren’t diverse enough, Apple has announced that they are working with programmers to add more multicultural and racially diverse faces to its 845-icon catalogue of emojis.

Mark From Sales Currently Leading Bracket Pool

FINDLAY, OH—Following the first four Sweet 16 games of this year’s NCAA Tournament, sources at local marketing firm Jones-Brannon Media confirmed Friday that Mark from sales is currently leading the office bracket pool.

4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show

WASHINGTON—Four United States senators are reportedly recovering in Washington-area hospitals today following a shocking and grisly incident Thursday night, when a 480-pound male tiger brutally mauled the elected officials in front of a full audienc...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Holiday

Customer Service

NHL Players Admit They Have No Idea How Line Changes Work

NEW YORK—Claiming that there is ostensibly no rhyme or reason to the sport's frequent in-game substitutions, players from across the NHL admitted Wednesday that they have absolutely no idea how line changes work. “Honestly, most of the time I just try to jump onto the ice whenever I can, and then I’ll come back to the bench when I get tired,” said Chicago Blackhawks center Jonathan Toews, adding that the changes are especially confusing following icing calls, when “some guys are allowed to change but other guys aren’t.” “I know certain players are supposed to go out at specific times and in ‘shifts’ or whatever, but I couldn’t even begin to tell you who, when, or why. Like when we’re on a power play, there are certain guys who are supposed to play, but then if the other team is on a power play, a whole different set of guys go out. And most of the time we have to sub in and out while the game is still going on. It’s just chaos.” A majority of players also confirmed they would much prefer having some kind of buzzer sewn into their uniforms to alert them when it’s their turn to take the ice.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More