adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

NHL Reluctantly Signs Deal With Hockey To Continue As Their Sport Through 2016

NEW YORK—Despite revenue, attendance figures, and viewing statistics showing it continues to lag behind as the least popular major sports league in the country, the NHL reluctantly completed a four-year, $20 million deal with hockey Tuesday to continue on as its sport through 2016. "We've struggled to survive under hockey for decades, so we realize it's not a realistic sport for a professional league," said Commissioner Gary Bettman, adding that the NHL is making "every effort" to work toward a suitable sport to play for the long term. "With an untenable infrastructure of cold arenas and so many franchises rooted in Canadian cities, it's impossible to switch sports right now, but I promise the NHL will get out of hockey as soon as it is feasible." Bettman refused to comment on what sport the league might go to next, but bantered happily for half an hour with a reporter who asked about volleyball.

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close