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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NHL Reluctantly Signs Deal With Hockey To Continue As Their Sport Through 2016

NEW YORK—Despite revenue, attendance figures, and viewing statistics showing it continues to lag behind as the least popular major sports league in the country, the NHL reluctantly completed a four-year, $20 million deal with hockey Tuesday to continue on as its sport through 2016. "We've struggled to survive under hockey for decades, so we realize it's not a realistic sport for a professional league," said Commissioner Gary Bettman, adding that the NHL is making "every effort" to work toward a suitable sport to play for the long term. "With an untenable infrastructure of cold arenas and so many franchises rooted in Canadian cities, it's impossible to switch sports right now, but I promise the NHL will get out of hockey as soon as it is feasible." Bettman refused to comment on what sport the league might go to next, but bantered happily for half an hour with a reporter who asked about volleyball.

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