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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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NHL Responds To Blackhawks' Team U-Haul Overturning

The tragic accident involving the Chicago Blackhawks' overstuffed team U-Haul overturning on the highway has sent ripples throughout the league, as teams and players hear about the accident through the mail or using their league-issued pre-paid phone cards. Other teams have been sending in best wishes to the Blackhawks as they deal with the tragedy.

The Buffalo Sabres even cobbled together a quilt for the Blackhawks out of loose scraps of cloth and pieces of their sweaters.

The NHL has acted swiftly in light of the accident, sending out this strongly-worded statement from the public library that serves as their base of operations. [the NHL statement]

Of course this isn't the first time the NHL has dealt with adversity. You can find a list of some of the NHL's past tragedies here.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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