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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NHL Simply Not Going To Bother Reaching Out To Hispanics

NEW YORK—Though other professional sports leagues have made concerted efforts to attract new fans in the emerging demographic, the NHL is just not even going to try to reach out to Hispanics, league officials said Monday. "Truthfully, at this point it's not even worth it; I have enough on my plate right now just trying to get youth hockey leagues to accept half-price tickets to these games," Commissioner Gary Bettman said. "I'm not going to tell Hispanics or Latinos they can't come, but we have a lot more to worry about than looking up the Spanish word for 'Penguins' or painting the puck the colors of the Mexican flag for Cinco de Mayo." Bettman added that before the league even thinks about such outreach programs, it has to figure out why, despite its best efforts, North American white people still haven't embraced the sport.

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