adBlockCheck

NHL Trade Deadline Passes Without Single Noticeable Change

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

NHL Trade Deadline Passes Without Single Noticeable Change

DETROIT—Despite a record-breaking number of trades made on the day of the first trade deadline since the 2004-2005 lockout, league insiders and die-hard NHL fans alike have failed to recognize that anything is different, according to NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman. "I know for a fact that over 50 players were traded, including a bunch of Russians, some Finnish goaltenders, and a few Czechs or Slovakians or something who were dealt amongst the 30 or so NHL teams. Still, it's hard to remember names and positions without having the paperwork in front of me," Bettman said. "However, I can state for the record that there are a number of new lantern-jawed, gap-toothed, largely interchangeable faces in locker rooms throughout the league. I guess they all just wanted to play in other cities." An ESPN quick-poll determined that most sports fans were unaware of the NHL players who were traded, the NHL trade deadline, or the NHL.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close