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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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NHL's New 'Blue Zone' Channel Only Shows Games When The Puck Is Within 3 Feet Of One Of The Blue Lines

NEW YORK—Boasting that fans will now be able to see "every crossing of neutral ice and many of the faceoffs from every game," the National Hockey League introduced its new "Blue Zone" subscription-only programming channel Saturday. "See the beginning faceoff of each game and all the change-of-possession action between the intensity-packed blue lines," a press release from the league read in part. "Everything from every matchup except the scoring, the saves, the struggle for the puck in the corners, and the majority of the checking—only on the Blue Zone." A spokesperson for the league said the NHL had not considered a broadcast format that included all the on-ice action, as whenever that "gimmick" had been tried in the past, "no one was interested."

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