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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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‘Nice To Meet You,’ Coworkers Tell New Employee They’ve Studied Online For Hours

DICKINSON, ND—Saying that it was a pleasure to finally make his acquaintance, employees of local consulting firm Montevista Solutions introduced themselves Monday morning to new sales representative Brandon Whitley, a man whom they had all spent numerous hours studying online in recent days. “Hi, you must be Brandon; it’s really nice to meet you,” said associate consultant Sarah Rodriguez, one of many Montevista employees who spent last night scouring Google search results for Whitley’s name, clicking through every one of his Facebook photos, and closely reading 70 of his most recent tweets. “It’s really great to finally put a face to the name. Anyway, just let any of us know if you need anything.” At press time, Whitley was being introduced to account manager David Carpenter, who accidentally mentioned Whitley’s trip to Maui with his wife Melissa before ever being told about it.

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