‘Nice To Meet You,’ Coworkers Tell New Employee They’ve Studied Online For Hours

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Executive On Hot Streak With 2 Straight Logical Decisions

HICAGO—Saying the impressive display of business sense came entirely out of nowhere, employees of public relations agency Davidson Communications confirmed Wednesday that CEO Donald Marshall was on an absolute hot streak after making two straight logical decisions.

Departing Employee Not Quite Important Enough For Send-Off

ATLANTA—Noting the distinct lack of fanfare surrounding his departure last Friday, employees at Empire Marketing Solutions concluded that sales associate Brent Wheeler was not quite important enough to warrant a formal send-off on his last day of wo...
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‘Nice To Meet You,’ Coworkers Tell New Employee They’ve Studied Online For Hours

DICKINSON, ND—Saying that it was a pleasure to finally make his acquaintance, employees of local consulting firm Montevista Solutions introduced themselves Monday morning to new sales representative Brandon Whitley, a man whom they had all spent numerous hours studying online in recent days. “Hi, you must be Brandon; it’s really nice to meet you,” said associate consultant Sarah Rodriguez, one of many Montevista employees who spent last night scouring Google search results for Whitley’s name, clicking through every one of his Facebook photos, and closely reading 70 of his most recent tweets. “It’s really great to finally put a face to the name. Anyway, just let any of us know if you need anything.” At press time, Whitley was being introduced to account manager David Carpenter, who accidentally mentioned Whitley’s trip to Maui with his wife Melissa before ever being told about it.

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