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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Nickel Back Mentoring Dime Back

NASHVILLE, TN—Titans nickel back Vincent Fuller announced Tuesday that he was taking dime back Eric King under his nickel-backing wing in an effort to help the fourth-year player develop the coverage skills necessary to play in long passing situations—and in the hope that King would himself mature into a nickel back someday. "Showing Eric the third-down-and-more-than-10-to-go ropes is personally fulfilling, and I think he's starting to feel like he's really a part of the secondary," said Fuller, adding that he was happy to be the kind of trusted situational defense counselor King could look up to. "Mostly I try to share my experiences on the field and emphasize that, even though dime back is only a part-time defensive position, he needs to make the most of his three to five opportunities each game. We've talked a lot about him breaking out of his soft-cover backpedal, working on his tackling, and, uh, the backpedal thing some more." Fuller meets with King three times a week to work with the dime back to eliminate penalties, quiz him about defending routes, and make sure things are going good at home.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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