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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Nickname To Forever Prevent People From Getting To Know The Real Dumptruck

BLAIRSVILLE, GA—Having been saddled with the nickname for years, a 27-year-old man known to his friends as "Dumptruck" told reporters Tuesday that he fears people will never get to know the real him. "There's a lot more to me than anyone realizes," said Dumptruck, who is also called Dumpy, Dumps, D.T., and Deets for short. "I have a rooftop herb garden, I volunteer as a math tutor, and I love classical music. But none of that is what comes to mind when people think of me." At press time, sources said to check out that shirt the Big Dumper was wearing.

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