WESTWOOD, CA—In a deft and ruthless display of the utmost cunning, local woman Anne Kaminski added the phrase ‘No gifts, please’ to the bottom of her birthday party invitation, sources confirmed Friday.
NEW YORK—During a live demonstration at Nintendo's flagship Manhattan store Tuesday, company CEO Satoru Iwata debuted the company's new Phil Mickelson's Wacky Left-Handed Golf Tour for the Wii system, saying that he only needed to watch† Mickelson swing his driver once before being inspired to create multiple topsy-turvy three-dimensional left-handed mirror-worlds in which oversize golf balls explode in midair, massive sand-trap monsters engulf players, and tee shots are pushed 12,000 yards left of their intended target. "All the playable Miis become left handed," said a visibly giggly Iwata, adding that the game will come with special controllers consisting of a left-handed driver, iron, putter, and ball retriever. "Whether you are putting a ball into the mouth of a pink rhinoceros, or making sure your next shot lands on a cloud, you are doing it left-handed! You will look so silly playing in the upside down-world of Mr. Mickelson!" Satoru confirmed there would be a lengthy single-player quest mode in which gamers play as Mickelson and try to overthrow evil right-handed golfer Lion Forrest.