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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Nintendo Releases 'Phil Mickelson's Wacky Left-Handed Golf Tour'

NEW YORK—During a live demonstration at Nintendo's flagship Manhattan store Tuesday, company CEO Satoru Iwata debuted the company's new Phil Mickelson's Wacky Left-Handed Golf Tour for the Wii system, saying that he only needed to watch† Mickelson swing his driver once before being inspired to create multiple topsy-turvy three-dimensional left-handed mirror-worlds in which oversize golf balls explode in midair, massive sand-trap monsters engulf players, and tee shots are pushed 12,000 yards left of their intended target. "All the playable Miis become left handed," said a visibly giggly Iwata, adding that the game will come with special controllers consisting of a left-handed driver, iron, putter, and ball retriever. "Whether you are putting a ball into the mouth of a pink rhinoceros, or making sure your next shot lands on a cloud, you are doing it left-handed! You will look so silly playing in the upside down-world of Mr. Mickelson!" Satoru confirmed there would be a lengthy single-player quest mode in which gamers play as Mickelson and try to overthrow evil right-handed golfer Lion Forrest.

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