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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Nipsey Russell Estate Releases Volume Of Previously Unpublished Couplets

LOS ANGELES—Nipseyan scholars were jubilant Monday following the announcement that the Russell estate had consented to publish the last remaining archive of unpublished verse from the Match Game and $10,000 Pyramid star. "Today is a historic day for true admirers of short, playful poetry," said Nipsey Russell heir and legatee Nipsey Jr. "With the addition of these long-lost couplets, Mr. Russell's masterful oeuvre is at last complete." Among a number of other treasures, the volume promises complete drafts and notes for the seminal 1979 work, "If you date a girl from Three Mile Island/ You'll have more exciting nights/ You can see just what you're doing/ Even after you turn out the lights."

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