adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

NIT's Exclusive Eight Vie For Coveted Spots In Last Four

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—Excitement over college basketball’s National Invitation Tournament reached a fever pitch Tuesday as the teams of the Exclusive Eight prepared to play for the chance to compete in next week’s Last Four at Madison Square Garden. “Reaching the Exclusive Eight is nice, but you know these teams are thinking Last Four,” said ESPN commentator Tim Welsh about the field that remained after half of the Good Sixteen were eliminated over the past two days. “The choosing board set the initial field of 32, we all filled out our winners charts, and so far The Great Big Party has more than lived up to its name. But who will take home the NIT Victory Certificate? Folks, this is what Crazy March is all about.” The 2013 tournament has been especially compelling thanks to the electrifying play of Providence guard and NIT Most Useful Player award frontrunner Bryce Cotton, who many believe has a good chance of one day playing in the ABA.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close