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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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‘No, No, Dear God No,’ Mumbles Powerball Presenter After Drawing Pitch-Black Ball

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Staring down in shock and turning pale, the host of Wednesday night’s $700 million Powerball lottery reportedly muttered to herself in utter horror after the randomized drawing produced an entirely unmarked, pitch-black ball. “32, 16—Oh, dear God.... No, no, no,” said Powerball host Laura Johnson, who trembled visibly as the black and otherwise featureless ball came to a rest at the end of the machine’s display tube. “How could this happen? Oh Christ, not yet! Please, not yet! Jesus, they said we’d have more time. They said we’d … oh no, no—” At press time, viewers of the drawing reported seeing the studio lights flicker followed by an unearthly scream just as the televised feed cut to static.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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