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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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No One At High School Remembers Asking Ray Lewis To Give Football Players Inspirational Pregame Speech

LAKEWOOD, CO—Saying that his appearance was equally confusing and startling, members of the Bear Creek high school coaching staff told reporters this week that none of them recalled inviting former Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis to give an inspirational pregame speech to their football team last Friday. “I got my guys down on one knee in the locker room and then he just sort of showed up and took over,” head coach Eric Moore said of Lewis, who reportedly began his 15-minute speech in a low whisper before gradually building up to full-throated screams as he punched lockers in front of the group of silent high school players. “He really scared my boys shitless. I know I didn’t invite him, and my assistants told me they didn’t either, so I have no idea where the hell he came from. I think I heard some of the opposing players saying he stopped in to talk to them before the game too.” Moore confirmed that neither he nor anyone else affiliated with the school or booster club asked Lewis to lead the team through the paper banner and onto the field.

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