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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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No One At High School Remembers Asking Ray Lewis To Give Football Players Inspirational Pregame Speech

LAKEWOOD, CO—Saying that his appearance was equally confusing and startling, members of the Bear Creek high school coaching staff told reporters this week that none of them recalled inviting former Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis to give an inspirational pregame speech to their football team last Friday. “I got my guys down on one knee in the locker room and then he just sort of showed up and took over,” head coach Eric Moore said of Lewis, who reportedly began his 15-minute speech in a low whisper before gradually building up to full-throated screams as he punched lockers in front of the group of silent high school players. “He really scared my boys shitless. I know I didn’t invite him, and my assistants told me they didn’t either, so I have no idea where the hell he came from. I think I heard some of the opposing players saying he stopped in to talk to them before the game too.” Moore confirmed that neither he nor anyone else affiliated with the school or booster club asked Lewis to lead the team through the paper banner and onto the field.

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