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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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No One At Porn Site Responding To Area Man's Bad Link Report

CHARLESTON, SC—Frank Connor's repeated e-mails to the webmaster of Assmouthblowout.com concerning a bad link have gone without a response for more than a week, Connor said on the Erectionconnexxxion.net message board Tuesday. "Who do you have to blow to get them to fix the link to CumSoakedMILFs.com, for Christ's sake?" Connor said, emphasizing that, although the site is free, there was no excuse for such unprofessional behavior. "If they don't get back to me or fix the link soon, I'll have to start a petition to have the guys at Slam Train stop listing them as a featured site." Connor says he is also boycotting the website's advertisers, including Fleshlight and Boy Butter, "until such time as they start treating this loyal customer in a more professional manner."

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