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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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No One Else But You Invited To Creepy Dave's Debate Party

TEMPE, AZ—In a development that will soon leave you feeling uncomfortable and slightly scared, sources have reported that you, and only you, have been invited to that weirdo Dave Morton's presidential debate-watching party tonight. Although you have been looking forward to having a few beers, engaging in heated political debates with a group of friends, and maybe meeting some hot, activist girls all week, the so-called party will primarily entail Dave wordlessly watching you eat the taco dip you will bring, nodding at everything you say and intermittently dry heaving when McCain says "my friends." Even taking into account Dave's sudden outburst of sobbing upon the conclusion of the debates, this will reportedly not be the creepiest debate party you have ever attended, as that honor still rightfully belongs to a 2004 debate-watching party attended by only yourself and Dennis Kucinich.

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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