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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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No One In Group Admits Girls' Night Out A Colossal Failure

PROVIDENCE, RI—After hyping the outing with several days of text messages, including "things are going to get crazy," "the Bod Squad is back in action," and "OMG! GNO!," friends Tina Zayac, Heather Thibert, and Christina Roath refused to admit Sunday that their girls' night out was a disappointment. "It was fun," said Thibert, 28, who returned to her apartment at 11:30 p.m., despite earlier promises to "stay out all night" and "get dolled up and get [her] dance on." The girls reportedly waited for a table at Blue Grotto for more than an hour, chose not to get wine at the restaurant because it was too expensive, and concluded the evening by spending two hours at a karaoke bar trying to convince Roath to sing "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" with them before ultimately deciding they weren't in the mood for karaoke. Thibert added, "Just me and the girls, like old times. Even though Becky [Traber] didn't show up, cuz she always flakes out."

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