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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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No One In Limo Going To Prom With The One They Wanted

INDEPENDENCE, MO—None of the six students in the white stretch limousine presently en route to Harry Truman High School’s senior prom are attending the event with the person they wanted to be their date, sources reported this evening. “Wooo! Prom night!” 18-year-old Amanda Schumacher shouted, despite the fact that she had really hoped to be asked to the dance by Bradley Sumner but had instead been forced to settle for Craig Doyle, who himself had asked her to go only after Lindsay Willis had turned him down. “Tonight is going to be so awesome!” concurred Ian Robeson, poking his head out the sunroof while imagining his date were Karen Simmons, the girl he’s had a crush on for four years, instead of Beth Malden, his friend and study partner. Additional sources reported that the students’ chauffeur would prefer to be going to prom in his company’s new 220-inch Cadillac Escalade limo instead of its old eight-seater Lincoln Town Car.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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