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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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No One In Stadium Quite Sure Why Muhammad Ali Being Honored

ST. LOUIS—Unsure whether it was the famous boxer's birthday, his death, the anniversary of one of his historic fights, or some other previously unknown connection to St. Louis, a bewildered crowd at the Edward Jones Dome remained confused Friday night as to why Muhammad Ali was being honored during a preseason game between the Rams and Falcons. "Oh my God, wow, is he actually here or something?" asked Rams fan Chris Anderson, whose confusion was not cleared up after watching a montage of Ali on the JumboTron. "Okay, looks like we're giving him a standing ovation now. That's fine. I mean, it's Muhammad Ali." According to stadium officials, the mysterious ceremony honoring the former heavyweight champion was a commercial for Budweiser American Ale.

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