STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN—The Alfred B. Nobel Foundation's annual awards ceremony was enhanced Friday with the addition of the first-ever Nobel Prize For Ripped Abs.
The new category was established by the Nobel Committee to honor outstanding achievement in the areas of upper abs, lower abs and obliques.
Of the thousands of scientists, authors and university professors from around the world who were nominated, the inaugural Nobel Prize For Ripped Abs was awarded to Laguna Beach, CA, personal trainer and mountain biking enthusiast Ron Seaver, 28.
"Thank you very much," Seaver said upon receiving the gold Nobel medallion from Sweden's King Karl Gustaf. "Basically, what I try to do is five sets of 30 to 40 crunches every day, alternating between slow, low-reps of incline sit-ups to work the slow-twitch muscle fibers and quick, high-rep crunches to work the fast-twitch muscle fibers. In between sets I like to mix it up with cardiovascular work—cycling, swimming, even rollerblading."
Seaver then turned serious, adding: "It's very important to take at least one day a week off. Down time is when your muscles actually do all of their rebuilding."
Nobel Committee members, including professors from the University of Helsinki, Yale University and the famed Karolinska Institute, were impressed with the angled, defined corners on Seaver's abs, and the visible sinew beneath his trim, toned "six-pack."
Nobel Committee Chair Grueder Halstrüm, Fellow of the Danish Academy of Sciences in Copenhagen, said: "Mr. Seaver has great abs. His tireless dedication to his abdominal region is apparent in a 'washboard stomach' that is more ripped than any other in the world of modern abs."
In his presentation speech to Seaver, King Gustaf said: "Your ripped abs are an inspiration to all of mankind. They will get all the citizens of the world 'psyched' to work their own abs harder."
An appreciative Seaver told the assembled crowd that it was "a great honor" to receive the Nobel Prize. "There are so many other people out there who would have been just as deserving of this award. My workout partner, Mitch, has incredible definition. Bruce Bloch, who works out at Gold's Gym over in Santa Cruz, is every bit as ripped as me, and he has even better symmetry."
Seaver also thanked his longtime mentor, Russian physicist Pavel Cherenkov, winner of the 1958 Nobel Prize For Physics, who died last December. "Pavel taught me everything I know," a visibly buffed Seaver said. "He taught me to keep my knees together, elbows in, and never to cheat by anchoring my legs. I just know he's up there somewhere, totally juiced right now."
Moved to tears, Seaver stepped down from the platform and carbo-loaded.
Many of the world's leading political and intellectual figures in attendance at the ceremony were both moved and motivated by Seaver's acceptance speech.
"After seeing Mr. Seaver up there, I realize that my stomach could use some work," German Chancellor Helmut Kohl said. "Ever since re-unification I have been making excuses, saying that I do not have time to worry about getting rid of my love handles. Well, I can ignore this problem no longer."
"If I do not start doing sit-ups soon," said Nobel Prize-winning author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, 78, "I will not be in shape for the coming swimsuit season."
Men's Health reporter Bradley Simmons covered the Nobel Prize ceremony for the magazine. "Seaver was the clear choice in the Ripped Abs Category," Simmons said. "His abs are totally cut. Look for him on the cover of the next issue of Men's Health in connection with our late-breaking piece on how to flatten your tummy in just 10 weeks."
Seaver plans to use his $950,000 prize money to travel throughout the Third World teaching the poor how to add definition to their abs.