Nobody In Ukraine Notices Absence Of Government

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Vol 41 Issue 39

IRA Disarmament

The Irish Republican Army, working with an independent international commission, claims to have destroyed all its weapons stockpiles. What do...

Cheney's Aneurysms

Vice President Dick Cheney is recovering after having aneurysms removed from the back of both his knees. What do you think?

Gay Clergyman

The Vatican has announced that it will prevent homosexuals from entering the priesthood. What do you think?

Tom DeLay Steps Down

Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX) was recently indicted on charges of conspiracy in a campaign-financing scheme, and forced to temporarily step down as House...
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Fun

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    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Nobody In Ukraine Notices Absence Of Government

KIEV, UKRAINE—The firing of Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko and the dismissal of most of the federal government continued to go unremarked by Ukraine's 14 million citizens Monday. "Roads are crumbling, the Russian Mafia sets food prices, our currency grows more worthless by the hour, and still the government does nothing," said Brzyny Ilandrovitch, editor of the U.F. Monitor. "Every year, it's the same thing with this group of fat crooks." Upon hearing of the government overthrow, Ilandrovitch said he was reminded of 1991's democratic elections, when the lawless chaos that followed the country's independence from the Soviet Union left many doubting that a central government had been democratically elected.
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