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The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Nomar Garciaparra Tells Wife To Meet Him On Disabled List At 8 p.m.

LOS ANGELES—Dodgers third baseman Nomar Garciaparra left a voicemail message for his wife, former soccer star Mia Hamm, asking her to meet him on Major League Baseball's disabled list for a date Friday night. "Hey, after you're finished grocery shopping, why don't you swing over to the DL to grab a bite—I'll be hanging out in my usual spot, right below Kason Gabbard and right above Alex Gonzalez," Garciaparra reportedly said, stressing that she should meet him on the 15-day DL, not the 60-day DL. "Mark [Prior] and Mikey [Hampton] will be there too. Should be fun." Upon hearing the message, Hamm complained that Garciaparra "always" wants to hang out on the DL, and expressed frustration that she has to tear her hamstring every time she wants to spend time with her husband.
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