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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Nomar Garciaparra Tells Wife To Meet Him On Disabled List At 8 p.m.

LOS ANGELES—Dodgers third baseman Nomar Garciaparra left a voicemail message for his wife, former soccer star Mia Hamm, asking her to meet him on Major League Baseball's disabled list for a date Friday night. "Hey, after you're finished grocery shopping, why don't you swing over to the DL to grab a bite—I'll be hanging out in my usual spot, right below Kason Gabbard and right above Alex Gonzalez," Garciaparra reportedly said, stressing that she should meet him on the 15-day DL, not the 60-day DL. "Mark [Prior] and Mikey [Hampton] will be there too. Should be fun." Upon hearing the message, Hamm complained that Garciaparra "always" wants to hang out on the DL, and expressed frustration that she has to tear her hamstring every time she wants to spend time with her husband.

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