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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Norah Jones Releases Debut Album For Third Time

NEW YORK—With critics hailing its sound as "reminiscent of a young Norah Jones," Norah Jones' third album, Not Too Late, features the singer-songwriter performing mellow, acoustic pop songs with soul and country-pop tones.

"This third album is a great first effort," said Billboard columnist Emmanuel Stevens, adding that he looks forward to watching someone with such raw potential mature as an artist. "Hopefully, she won't suffer from a sophomore slump seven albums from now."

 In the weeks since this year's Grammy Awards show, many fans have expressed outrage in online forums that Jones was "snubbed yet again" in the Best New Artist award, which she hasn't won since 2003.

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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

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