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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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North Carolina Elects Someone To Run Out For Cigarettes

RALEIGH, NC—In a decisive 91-8 vote Monday, the North Carolina Legislature elected Rep. David Schare (D-Wilmington) to run out and get some cigarettes for his fellow legislators. "Mister Speaker and all my distinguished colleagues, I am honored to accept the post of Smokesman-At-Arms," Schare said following the vote. "I will do my very best to fulfill my duties faithfully and diligently. So, who wants menthols?" Schare is the 49th person to hold the recently renamed post, which had been called "Faggoteer General" since the state's first assembly in 1789.

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