adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
End Of Section
  • More News

North Carolina Residents Terrified After Hearing State Passed New Law

RALEIGH, NC—Saying they didn’t even want to think about what the legislation might possibly authorize or prohibit, North Carolina residents expressed feelings of deep-seated terror Thursday after hearing their state had passed a new law. “Oh God, this can’t be good,” said Raleigh resident Jennifer Mathis, echoing the sentiment of overwhelming dismay felt by citizens across the state upon learning their legislature had passed a bill and their governor had subsequently signed it into law. “I read the words ‘North Carolina Passes Law’ and my heart just sank. And it looks like they approved it really quickly, too. Christ, this is horrifying.” Several reports indicate that after skimming the first line of an article, the residents of North Carolina had quickly shut down their computers and backed away in fear.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close