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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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North Dakota Flooding Reminds People Of North Dakota's Existence

FARGO, ND—Flood waters reached record highs throughout North Dakota Tuesday, causing millions in property damage and reminding non-North Dakotans of the existence of the low-profile Great Plains state. "I've never been to North Dakota," said San Francisco-area investment banker Gabriel Bennett. "But I saw that movie about it." Phoenix housewife and mother of three Sheila Raines expressed similar recollection: "Isn't that where Mount Rushmore is, or is that the other one?" Once flood waters recede, North Dakota is expected to return to obscurity until February 2012, when all of its residents will perish in an ice storm.

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