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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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North Korea Claims New Long Range Missile Has Ability To Fly Right Up In The Air, Not Unlike A Bird Or A Fly

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—In a provocative and defiant pronouncement aimed at the United States and the U.N., North Korean officials announced Thursday that the country’s latest generation of ballistic missiles possessed the capability to fly right up into the air, much the same as a young bird or a silvery dragonfly might. “Our mighty new Unha missile will go very high, up to the skies above, not at all unlike a long-necked crane rising from the Jiandao marsh,” said vice marshal of the Korean People’s Army Hyon Yong-chol, who went on to liken the weapon’s “terrific fearsomeness” to an angered ox. “Let all nations hear these words: our missile will soar great distances like a migrating duck flying among clouds before returning to the earth with the force of 10,000 pine trees falling. Dire consequences await all who do not heed this warning!” Hyon also confirmed that North Korea would soon test another of its nuclear weapons, which he said was capable of delivering unfathomable levels of death and misery, not unlike the chronic malnutrition that afflicts roughly one-third of his nation’s children.

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