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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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North Korea Returns To Normalcy With Synchronized Disco Jump-Rope Gala

WASHINGTON—In a sign that North Korea is finally returning to normal following the death of Kim Jong-il, the country reportedly held a festive synchronized disco jump-rope gala in Pyongyang's main public square this week. "Slowly but surely, typical daily life has resumed in North Korea: The loudspeakers are once again blaring dance music, and ordinary citizens have put their brightly colored costumes back on and are performing gymnastics in perfectly choreographed sequences," State Department foreign policy analyst William T. Baker said. "Approximately 30,000 children leapt through the air with shiny metallic streamers, while the coordinated undulations of T-shirted adults simulated a giant North Korean flag fluttering in the wind. In other words, as of late, we've seen nothing out of the ordinary here." Observers later reported that the nation's new leader, Kim Jong-un, had nodded once in approval of the synchronized disco jump-rope gala, signaling that the period of mourning is officially over.

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